Struggling To Get In The Mood?

Posted: Jan 07 2016

It’s not uncommon at some stage in your life for your libido to take a downwards spiral.  It can happen to the most sexually charged people at some point in their lives and can be triggered by a number of reasons.  Stress is the biggest factor for feeling this way - we all lead very fast paced lives, trying to keep up with ever more demanding careers and juggling spare time between family, friends and hobbies all results in a build-up of tiredness, anxiety and therefore stress.


Bereavement is another form of stress which can have a massive negative effect on your sex life.  You become very withdrawn and sex then becomes one of the last things on your mind.


Medication is something else that can cause a slow-down in the bedroom department, along with pregnancy, a recent family addition or the menopause, which can each have an impact.


All of these reasons are very common place, however, it is important to try and break the cycle and not let it become the norm.  Let’s not forget, when we climax the body produces chemicals and endorphins are released giving you a natural high feeling.  Keeping sexually active can actually help.


The most important piece of advice I can share is to talk - explain to your partner how you are feeling and that whilst things may not be as steamy as they once were, you need a little time and support to get things back on track. 


The good news is, there are some really easy fixes to help the situation.   Here are a few tried and tested ways;


Poor yourself a glass of your favourite tipple, run a hot bath and soak away the stresses. Try and relax and visualise getting intimate with your partner.  You will find the heat of the water will make you feel more aroused.  Let your mind wander and drift into a sexy fantasy.  If you feel the time is right – why don’t you invite your partner to join you?


Following your bath or even start it with a massage from your partner.  There are a huge amount of different oils on the market and all have different benefits ranging from relaxation through to rejuvenation properties.  Find one that suits your needs and you will be amazed how it makes you feel.


Setting the right scene can also help you get in the mood.  Lighting one or more candles not only looks romantic, aromas have a real impact on our senses.  Fragrances such as vanilla, patchouli and Ylang Ylang have long been used to evoke desire.

We’ve long been reading naughty books with titles such as Memoirs of a Women of Pleasure which dates back to 1748 another, published in 1928 is Lady Chatterley’s Lover.  In more recent years with the release of FSoG there has been a resurgence of mainstream erotic books.  Try reading a few chapters of a steamy novel before you switch out the lights and I bet sleeping is not the first thing on your mind!


Watching other people get it on can really ignite the fires.  There is an endless amount of porn out there covering a genre for all your fantasies.  Find something that tickles your fancy to kick start those intimate moments in the bedroom.


How about including a sex toy to ramp things up.  You could use a different one every day of the year there’s that many varieties on the market!  But don’t let this put you off.  Start by thinking about what areas you like to be touched and find a toy which caters for that area.  You can choose from clitoral and g-spot massagers, love rings, couples toys and anal treats.   Don’t forget a good quality water based lube – you will love it!


Sometimes you can feel a lot of pressure knowing that you and your partner’s libido is not in sync.  Try taking this pressure away by taking control of the situation and initiating sex.  It’s amazing how different you will feel about the situation when you are the one in the driving seat.  How about sending “sexts” to your partner when he is at work or at the gym.  Tell him what you want to do to him or what you want him to do to you!


Our sexual preferences can change as we mature and our bodies change.  These changes can occur when you go through the menopause and some people experience changes following child birth.  Things you used to love can now leave you cold and even irritate you.  This is where playing with yourself becomes so important.  If you are aware of what you like then you will be able to teach your partner.  It’s not just down to your partner to figure out what now makes you tick.  Show him and tell him!


Date night has become a phrase of recent years.  If you just need a change of scenery and get away from the kids, treat yourself to a nice meal, a few drinks or the cinema.  If you are in a position to do so, how about checking into a hotel – hotel sex has got to be one of the hottest!  It’s a form of escapism, no one to disturb you and you can be whoever you want – how about a bit of role play!


Don’t underestimate the powers of looking after your health, this has such an impact on having a healthy sex life.  If you eat well and take regular exercise, your body will be strong and you are also more likely to feel confident about your appearance and want to show off your buff body.


Hopefully, you will find one or more of these tips helps kick start your sex life and don’t forget try and find time to just be intimate with each other.  You don’t have to aim for full on sex, there are a lot of other sexy things you can do together.

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